Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
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Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
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Reese and Ryan This entry was posted on 12/2/2006 6:00 PM and is filed under Generally Speaking. I don't quite understand why we're drawn to read about the
private lives of celebrities. May not subscribe to People Magazine,
but often it is the waiting room choice.
In what is apparently a "first", two popular gossip magazines (Life Style and In Touch) were published simultaneously a few weeks ago, each featuring on the cover one partner of a divorcing celebrity couple. Each story purported to present their chosen star's reasons their seven year marriage is ending. Their passion for each other was reported just months before. On one cover appeared Reese Witherspoon, on the other was Ryan Phillipe.The question: how will their separate new stories, the he said/she said, be told? If their different versions delve into the complex causes for the disintegration of their relationship, and don't simply dwell on Ryan's alleged liaison with his latest co-star, they may offer the reader more than voyeurism. An appreciation for the complexity of any relationship breakdown, instead of a simplistic view, is instructive. What has become clear to me, given the opportunity over the years to hear many personal accounts of failed intimacy, is that the "truth telling" by each partner, despite presenting very different pictures, can be both honest and accurate.The parties, along with family members and friends who are "taking sides", may deny the validity of the other's perspective, but a disinterested observer can often see how both viewpoints could well be true, just not a shared reality. Although I know nothing of Reese or Ryan, there are likely not just two sides to their story, but as many sides as could be fashioned from facets of the individual histories both brought to their partnership.The popular press too often only presents the titillating story of sexual wandering, while beneath the surface of revealed infidelities, volumes could be written. Hopefully, the magazine wars will illustrate this well. How often do our old scripts, the expectations born of early experiences, become known to our mate? Of some, the author is aware, while others are so far beneath the surface, they remain unknown to either partner. Unknown, but not without impact. The message: do the hard work to become self aware and learn how to share insights with a loved one, at the beginning and along the way. This can be a successful venture even after a relationship becomes troubled, especially if pursued with the aid of a well regarded professional. No easy task, but whatever the outcome, such a valuable journey of discovery. A lasting connection is likely _____ if a reasonably good choice was made in the first place. |
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