Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
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Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
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Please Wait This entry was posted on 3/24/2007 4:25 PM and is filed under Personally Speaking. If I could be granted a
wish, it would be that all my good friends, and members of my family,
would only die
after I do. A selfish and frivolous wish, which gives but momentary
comfort, but such is the nature of wishes. We all have to leave, follow
other loved ones, but I want those I love to wait.
Pat, my college roommate, a friend for over fifty years, died last week. We did not see each other often, as she lived on the east coast. But when we did connect in some way, it was as if no time had elapsed. Her husband and mine shared a love of fishing, so our visits were often planned around their boyish pleasures. I loved those glimpses into her life, her long marriage to the man who caused many on campus to say they were sure it wouldn't last, the sharing of photos and stories of our children, the funny and the sad. We talked by the hour about how our lives were evolving, without the gloss so often added with someone less known or trusted. And then we cooked the fish. Now what I am remembering most is the warmth of her smile and the throaty laugh, which so often punctuated our conversations, even the serious ones. I think about her lonely husband and ache for him. I am consoled by knowing that for a time he will be in the arms of their children, and other friends and family will gather round. Then the empty house. Their dog searching for his other friend. We came together initially by random assignment to shared sleeping and study quarters to which we returned each day after classes. No computerized selection program in those days. So much talk, often in the dark of night, telling our stories, discovering similar values, and temperaments that blended well. College friendships are made so easily, as if breathing the same air brings kinship. Perhaps because just at the time that we are leaving our family home, often on the heels of stressful adolescent separation wars, we fall in with new siblings of sorts, without any of the complexity of the sibling relationships left behind. No old baggage, starting afresh. Able to create a new persona if we choose. Sharing the excitement of paths yet to be taken. Losing loved ones is as much a part of life as gaining them. I comfort myself by remembering the high of falling and being in love, welcoming a new baby, the depth of other friendships which have grown over the years, and for a time it restores my equilibrium. But then I yearn to hear Pat's laugh and to hold her dear ones close, express my love, and share their sadness. So, I wish that she had waited. CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
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