Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries

Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in
Cincinnati, Ohio 
Bea V. Larsen

For a number of years Bea V. Larsen, senior mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in Cincinnati, Ohio [www.cfrdmediation.com], presented weekly commentaries on WVXU radio, both on her professional work as a mediator and on more personal or general experiences. These broadcasts reached thousands of listeners in a number of midwestern states and elicited many comments. This new series of online commentaries will continue that tradition, now broadcast to the world via the internet. Comments, which can be posted directly to this blog, are warmly encouraged. More personal background information can be read in the "Introductions" category below.
 

It's Not All Bad

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This entry was posted on 9/29/2007 3:20 PM and is filed under Personally Speaking.

    Friends ask why I plan to write a book. Striving to be truthful, I answer: to avoid becoming invisible. They object, not wanting me to feel diminished by getting old. They would like to talk me out of this concern. But they cannot. For I'm a realist, and know that aging eventually brings a retreat from center stage.

    Last week, on a sunny downtown street corner after Sunday brunch, a friend pursued the point I'd made and asked: do you mean invisible as a woman or in a more general sense? And I responded: both.

    Now he is really determined to talk me out of it.

    As we grow older, women accept a measure of invisibility. They walk down the sidewalk and male heads no longer turn. But in their families, and professionally, they continue as vibrant, seasoned, and more accomplished players, years after feminine allure has faded somewhat. Not a bad trade-off.
    
    But when one advances beyond the ever-expanding stretch designated mid-life, then invisibility threatens in earnest.

    For me, both work and writing keep the stage lights on. And recalling memorable experiences, exploring their meaning and crafting a story, offers a new role, a revival, a second act. A universal dream for the old. And even for the not yet so old?     
    
    But, apparently I've failed to communicate to those dear friends who seek to reassure me of my continuing presence, that becoming invisible is not all bad. So here's the good news for me, and eventually for them:

    I'm no longer burdened by ambition. Though eager to enhance my skills as a mediator and writer, I've got no more lawyer mountains to climb.

    Volunteer projects of past importance have been taken over by a new generation, and I'm permitted to enjoy the role of valued spectator, without committee or leadership responsibility.

    Never again will I wear uncomfortable shoes.

    The clothes still in my closet are classics, by my own definition. Being in tune with fashion matters not at all.

    Without guilt, I no longer attend social events I think will be tiresome.

    Responsible only for my own timetable, I can talk with a friend for hours, even in the middle of the day, should we chose.

    I'm no longer a consumer of anything other than consumables. Simplicity allows for greater focus, and time to become technologically savvy.

     I don't have to pretend, so as to be perceived in a favorable light, don't have to hide who I really am. Invisibility has morphed into transparency.

    Life's journey is becoming a destination. And I still buy green bananas.
 

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    • 9/29/2007 3:31 PM len lansky wrote:
      Wonderful news Bea--re your decisions and the book. I hope it will be pulling together your commentaries, but maybe you have different plans. Eager to hear more. Love, peace,
      len
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    • 9/30/2007 8:31 PM Ellen wrote:
      This was really beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.
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    • 10/1/2007 9:08 AM a friend wrote:
      Your friend on the sidewalk did not mean to deny or challenge your feeling of invisibility, but the fact of it. He doubts that objectively you are recognized and admired by fewer people today than ten years ago. You say that being known and recognized today for things you did in the past means you aren't seen as the person you are now. I guess this is true in a way. But your past is a part of you now; to know your past is to know you, or at least a part of you! You choose to change your role from player to commentator. You've changed roles before from mother to lawyer and from lawyer to mediator, no doubt each time leaving many with outdated images of your role.

      Certainly, we must all eventually shrivel away into dust and disappear, and your candor in facing and sharing your experience of that process is yet another contribution. Your friend on the sidewalk just thinks there is a life force called Bea Larsen that may be in transition but is still generating and still recognized...and still loved.
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    • 10/4/2007 5:00 PM Karen wrote:
      Bea, I was delighted to read this and better understand the answer to the question that I once asked you. Thank you for taking the time to expand on your thoughts.

      Your description of invisibility makes perfect sense, and I wonder if the word itself is difficult for your friends to hear. Your description, though, is full of good news about the choices you're making to manage the degree of invisibility you are comfortable with. Without that context, the word may convey a more negative concept than the choice- and acceptance-driven state you describe so beautifully.

      Thank you for your thoughtful and honest writing about the journey we're all on. I count myself lucky to be on the road with you!
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