Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries

Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in
Cincinnati, Ohio 
Bea V. Larsen

For a number of years Bea V. Larsen, senior mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in Cincinnati, Ohio [www.cfrdmediation.com], presented weekly commentaries on WVXU radio, both on her professional work as a mediator and on more personal or general experiences. These broadcasts reached thousands of listeners in a number of midwestern states and elicited many comments. This new series of online commentaries will continue that tradition, now broadcast to the world via the internet. Comments, which can be posted directly to this blog, are warmly encouraged. More personal background information can be read in the "Introductions" category below.
 

Too Much Talk?

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This entry was posted on 9/20/2008 9:20 AM and is filed under Generally Speaking.


     Chatting with friends over coffee on a recent evening, I abruptly changed the subject. I have closed the door on S.P.  With the very mention of her name, muscles tighten, my heart rate speeds, my breathing becomes shallow. I’ve decided to withdraw from this aspect of the political conversation. Too much talk to no good end.

    And to my surprise, recent scientific studies validate my stance. 
  
    Only a week ago, on the very day I was completing the final edit of a commentary about the benefits of self-disclosure, with the underlying message that talking with trusted friends about one’s worries and feelings is a positive thing, my newspaper reported current research on the negative aspect of excessive talk. At first, a counter-intuitive theory that startled me. But I read on.

    Psychologists have termed the daily, lengthy problem-dwelling talk between adolescents, “co-rumination”. They talk, they text, obsessively discussing the same issue. The conclusion: that this often leads to increased anxiety and depression, among girls far more than among boys who, no surprise here, tend to talk less.

    Amanda J. Rose is a researcher in the field of adolescent psychology, and a professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri. Last year her latest published study, in the journal Developmental Psychology, stated: “When girls are talking about their problems, it probably feels good to get that level of support and validation, but they are not putting two and two together. Actually this excessive talking can make them feel worse.” Not putting two and two together. Not working on solutions. Just commiserating with each other.

    And not just adolescents. Today the buzz about S.P. has become a national wringing of hands. Albeit not universal misery. There is joy in the land as well.

    Sarah Kershaw, the New York Times reporter of this too much talk phenomena, cites a related mental hazard psychologists call “emotional contagion” or “contagious anxiety” in which one person’s negative thoughts or anxiety can affect another’s mood. She references research showing that people who live with others suffering from depression tend to become depressed themselves. Is this what is happening, but on a much larger scale? I’m struggling to swim out of this miasma by keeping my focus on ways I can have some impact on the election outcome.

    So, please, do what you will for the candidate of your choice, but spare me any further talk of S.P.

    Three little monkeys sitting in a row come to mind.

 

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    • 9/20/2008 9:38 AM regine ransohoff wrote:
      Your reaction fits right iinto your profession. Carrying on about a problem doesn't do anything to solve it. Nothing positive comes from it except to relieve oneself of angst. Now the question is what do we really do to neutralize SP. Fortunately I think it's already beginning to happen.
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    • 9/30/2008 12:55 PM Anne wrote:
      Works both ways -- not talking at all is often more stressful than whatever it is we fear. Think about time leading up to "a talk" of one kind or another, be it family or with a boss or someone else. The buildup is usually more stressful than "the talk" itself. Then we walk away thinking how well it went (and fill out our mediation exit questionnaires accordingly!).

      But there's something to the dwelling-on-issues studies, too. My son and I both tend to over-analyze and over-think. My husband/his dad tells us "let it go!" but we can't!

      So to talk or not? Strike a balance, as with all things.

      As for the candidate whose name we dare not speak, the "letting people dig their own graves" tactic might be useful here. The funny (or sad) thing about elections, each storm is blown over by a new one, and all is forgotten (usually).

      Case in point: poor Biden, his visit here (less than a week ago!) was out-newsed by the will-they-or-won't-they debate, then Paul Newman's death, then Heather Locklear's arrest, then the economic crisis...in six days we'll all be talking about something else.
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