Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
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Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
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Will The Prince Be Charming? This entry was posted on 10/11/2008 9:26 AM and is filed under Relationship Dynamics. They were young, but had finished high school before they married. That’s the good news. The bad news is that after seventeen years the marriage is over. But there is much more good news. They take great pride in their two teenage daughters who are gracefully weathering adolescence, saddened by the family turmoil but still high achieving, and with a loving connection to both parents. He lauds his wife as a wonderful mother, and credits her with the children’s success. After working only at home for fifteen years, she recently found part-time employment. They are in complete agreement that the girls should continue to have parental attention, even now. Especially now. So she will keep her present job and remain available to manage and monitor the girls’ busy after-school hours. He owns a few shares of a small but profitable family business in which he works, and is destined to take over when his father retires and gradually gifts him the remaining stock. His hard work has yielded income five times his wife’s modest salary, and they are financially solvent. And still more good news. Although he is the one who has chosen to leave, he speaks of his determination to remain on friendly terms with his soon-to-be former wife and “no matter what it takes, to be fair”. Prince Charming is resolute and insists he will not disappoint. So, although a bit tearful, sad and frightened about a future alone, she is repeatedly promised, “all will be well.” But now, for the rest of the bad news: the meaning of “all will be well”. He assures his wife that her current standard of living will be maintained as long as there is a child living at home, and perhaps for a couple of years beyond that, six years in all. This is a term her lawyer says is generous. And during this time, her husband will provide more support than the Court would order. All of their property will be equally divided, a bit of equity in their home and his modest 401-k. So, why is this bad news? Calmed and breathing easier she asks: what about the business? His answer: well, you know it was started by my grandfather and passed down to my father, so one day it will be mine. Her question: but for seventeen years I took care of everything so you could devote yourself to building the business. We should own that together. Right? Wrong. They will both seek advice from their lawyers and learn that the small stock ownership interest already gifted to him may have some marital value to share, but not much, minimal compared to the valuable business asset he will one day own. The realization dawns. Angry now and in tears, she says: when you were working fourteen-hour days, I didn’t complain because it was for all of us. Now you will always be secure, probably even rich. After six years I’ll barely be able to survive! This is where the story ends, for now. To be continued, as there are more conversations to be had and decisions to be made. If I could write the script, this wife, while still being supported will spend the next six years in school, and regain the power she gave away when she auditioned for and landed the role of Cinderella. Her prince is charming, will continue to work hard, and likely pay their daughters’ college expenses. But now it is up to her to design the rest of her life, so as never to be so wholly dependent again. Daughters everywhere: are you getting the message? |
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