Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
|
|
Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
|
|
|
Friend Or Foe? This entry was posted on 11/1/2008 9:52 AM and is filed under Personally Speaking. I have many friends, a few who are close and intimate. And if asked, I would say I have no enemies. At least that would have been my answer until last month. I’ve been attending a series of three lectures given by a professor of political science, an expert on electoral polling. The group in attendance is small, perhaps about fifty. As I greeted some old friends on the night of the first session, across the room I glimpsed a woman I’d known long ago. Did she turn away before or after she saw me? I wasn’t sure. I am sure no smile was exchanged. At the end of the lecture, I chatted briefly with those seated nearby as the room quickly emptied. When I rose to leave, the woman in question was nowhere to be seen. But I left thinking about her, and our troubled past. I think it was in 1982, soon after I opened my law office. Friends suggested I meet this woman, she also a lawyer. There were few of us then. We met for lunch. A pleasant enough time, but neither of us sought any further contact. Fast forward a year or so. I was retained by a client whose husband left her after thirty years. She told me he was involved with another woman. When some weeks later I learned her identity, it was my former lunch companion. Our friendship had been so fleeting, I thought little more of it, until my client insisted I find out whether her husband had spent inordinate amounts of money on his new companion. As it turned out, and as I suspected, he had not, but the discovery process I used (and later regretted), was a deposition. Seated in my conference room, I probed sensitive personal matters, which surely did not endear me to either my client’s husband or his new love interest. (They later married and were together for over 25 years, until his recent death.) Conducting that deposition was an important learning experience for me, still a novice in this field of law. Although completely proper procedurally, I acted against my better judgment, and acquiesced to my client’s need for revenge, to embarrass. A tactic I came to deplore when used by other counsel. My unease, once analyzed and understood, brought me to the realization that I was not simply a “mouthpiece” for a client, required to act in accord with their standards rather than my own. It was an important personal development in my then fledging career. Now, all these years later, the subject of this long ago inquiry remained angry. Or, so I assumed in the days that followed, when the turn of her head returned to mind, many times. Some weeks later, as the second lecture in the series began, my adversary seated herself in the chair directly in front of me. She wore a light leather jacket placed over her shoulders. Several times it slipped down. Apparently chilly, she repeatedly sought to put it back in place, turning slightly toward me each time she did so. I stared, but she never met my eyes. It was as if I was not there. And again we departed without speaking. She is on my mind. I think of her each day, discomfited believing I am the focus of her anger. Were another telling this story I would say they were obsessing. Can she still harbor resentment, hatred even, for something I did 25 years ago? Did she view it as a betrayal? Would that be reasonable? Should I now apologize? Soon we will both attend the final lecture. I’ve decided to arrive early, approach her in a friendly manner and express sorrow for her recent loss. I cannot leave her apparent dislike of me undefined. My problem or hers? To be continued. CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
|
|
|
Copyright . http://BEALARSEN.COM. All rights reserved.