Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
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Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
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Neither Friend Nor Foe This entry was posted on 11/8/2008 6:24 AM and is filed under Personally Speaking. I arrived early to attend the last of a series of lectures at which I had encountered a woman from my past who appeared to shun me. I thought perhaps she did so with good reason, for actions I had taken in a legal proceeding many years ago when I represented her husband's former wife. She also had come early, and although there were probably fewer than ten people then in the room, she walked past me without notice and joined two others. Determined to find out if I was correctly assessing some hostility directed my way, I approached her, waiting for a chance to speak. As she made no move to face me, I stepped closer and said her name. She turned and with a faint smile spoke my name in response. A very brief conversation followed. I told her I was sorry to hear about the recent loss of her husband and asked how she was doing. With hindsight an awkward question, for which there is no meaningful answer to anyone other than an intimate. I had rehearsed other comments and questions, but there was no warmth is her gaze, no invitation to say more, so I left her side. Soon she seated herself in the front row. I sat several rows back. There was tension in the room as the speaker, a political scientist reputed to be a polling expert, had earlier announced that in this final talk he would offer his prediction about the outcome of the approaching election. Many in the audience were disturbed by what he then said. He declared that the electoral vote tally in the presidential race would be a tie, sending the decision into the House of Representatives. He had suggested this possibility previously, believing it would result in a McCain victory. This evening he was faced with a flurry of questions. In responding he soon veered from his script, became agitated, and in a surprising departure from his stance as an academic, said he thought Obama a dangerous ideologue, a socialist, an empty suit. He was in mid-sentence when my erstwhile friend abruptly rose and walked off, leaving her jacket behind. I think I later correctly concluded she was too upset to remain in such close proximity to the speaker. At the end of the evening I saw her in the back of the room in an animated conversation, clearly angry. We nodded to one another as I left. Likely we will not meet again. She is cool to me but apparently willing to be civil. My concern about what I perceived, or misperceived, as her antagonism due to my past actions, says more about me than it says about her. It appears she responds to others with intensity, and is quick to display her resentments, even rage. Perhaps she is not now concerned with my misdeeds after all. Impossible to know unless I pursue it further, but it is no longer important to know. Ninety-nine people can praise me and one find fault, and it is on the one that I will dwell. Were I alone in this behavior, I might take myself off to the nearest couch. But I know I am not, for colleagues and I have often laughed about how prone we are to focus on criticism and only fleetingly enjoy praise. My lesson from this encounter: When faced with an ambiguous angry glance, check it out, offer a kind word, and then let it go and move on. Now I can. CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
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