Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries

Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in
Cincinnati, Ohio 
Bea V. Larsen

For a number of years Bea V. Larsen, senior mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in Cincinnati, Ohio [www.cfrdmediation.com], presented weekly commentaries on WVXU radio, both on her professional work as a mediator and on more personal or general experiences. These broadcasts reached thousands of listeners in a number of midwestern states and elicited many comments. This new series of online commentaries will continue that tradition, now broadcast to the world via the internet. Comments, which can be posted directly to this blog, are warmly encouraged. More personal background information can be read in the "Introductions" category below.
 

Lost Perspective

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This entry was posted on 3/7/2009 7:33 AM and is filed under Personally Speaking.


    The rooms in which I now work are new to me, all of my furnishings reconfigured. Technologies and systems yet to be completely mastered keep me well connected with my professional colleagues, as we adjust to changing times. The space is really lovely, bright and inviting, but along the way to this destination, I lost my way, beset by tension and anxiety.
   
    What happened to my ability to cope with stress with equanimity, to my reputation for remaining calm, even in adversity? As this transition neared, I was jittery, unusually nervous. Sleep disturbed nights became frequent instead of occasional. Preparing for the impending move caused visceral discomfort, tightness in the throat, erratic appetite. As if on shifting sand, I’d wake overwhelmed by the many decisions and tasks to be completed to return to solid ground. Minor issues loomed large.

   This has never been my stance when facing change, even seriously troubled times, so in the dark of night I gave my plight a lot of thought. Slowly, I believe I figured it out, at least in part.
   
    Although my husband, Len, is gone, I’m cared about, not isolated. Children who live far away regularly call to ask how things are going and commiserate. Friends offer and give significant help in thoughtful ways. But for so many years, my partner held me close whenever I worried about the unknown, or plans went awry. Now no one is with me at the end of the day to hear my lament, and take my hand as I put one foot in front of the other. His embrace did not just reassure me in the moment, for I sank into the experience of loving so completely that when we drew apart, my perspective on what in my outside world was really important seemed more clear. I relaxed about facing whatever difficulties lay ahead.
  
     I’m surprised to realize the extent to which my ability to calmly think things through, instead of dwell on, even obsess about, myriad details and possible risks, depended on our intimacy, how my balance was regained by having a loving touch at my fingertips, both to give and receive.
   
    Perspective has begun to return.
        
    Some suggest my age is a telling factor here, for I’m soon to leave my seventies. But I think not. Frequently I work with those much younger than I who’ve lost a love through death or rejection, or even mutual decision, who also report crazy-making times, ambivalence, anxiety, difficulty concentrating. I better understand why some who are depressed, disappointed by troubled relationships, or bereft of a familiar intimacy, impulsively reach out for the warmth of skin to skin, hoping to wake restored.
   
    Gazing up at a star filled sky, or into the depths of natural wonders, never brought me the connection with the universe some report, even when in awe of the beauty of the world. But holding on to and loving another did. Now I must hold on to myself.
   
    We all reach this time eventually, unless it is we who are the first to leave another to cope with loss. Breathing deeply, very deeply, helps. And expressing gratitude to those who offer what they can, that helps as well. Even bringing cherished memories to mind fosters a balanced view of future choices.
   
    Loving renews perspective. Being aware of this changes nothing, yet changes everything.
    

 

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    • 3/7/2009 12:10 PM Judy Larsen wrote:
      Bea, This is beautiful. Welcome back to your blog. Curt and I always look forward to reading your comments. Of course, we especially enjoy them when you speak of Len. I was particularly thankful for Curt this week in our snow storm.
      Reply to this
    • 3/7/2009 1:15 PM Ellen Wathen wrote:
      Thanks for a beautiful essay. It is a special one, and I wanted to say thank you. I will remember your words (sometimes I even print out parts of your essays and keep them in a box so I can read them when I want some words of inspiration or comfort!)
      I hope things are going well with the new technology.

      Ellen
      Reply to this
    • 3/10/2009 5:22 PM Jack Sherman wrote:
      Dear Friend,

      Brave, insightful, and lovely.
      Reply to this
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