Bea V. Larsen . . . .Commentaries |
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Bea V. Larsen is a Senior Mediator at the Center for Resolution of Disputes in |
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Invisability This entry was posted on 3/12/2011 8:22 AM and is filed under Personally Speaking. The publishing world is shrinking. So, friends question why I still talk of writing a book. Striving to be truthful, I answer: to avoid becoming invisible.
They object, especially those who are younger, not wanting me to feel diminished by growing old. They would like to talk me out of this concern. But they cannot. For I'm a realist, and know that aging eventually brings a retreat from center stage. One particularly close friend pursued the point and asked: do you mean invisible as a woman or in a more general sense? And I responded: both. As women grow older, we accept a measure of invisibility. Advancing beyond the ever-expanding stretch designated mid-life, it threatens in earnest. We walk down a sidewalk and male heads no longer turn, no eye contact sought. But with family and friends, and professionally, we can continue as vibrant, seasoned, and more accomplished players, years after feminine allure has faded somewhat. Not a bad trade-off. Only a Pollyanna would insist that nothing has changed, the step slows and maintaining sound bone and muscle is an ever-greater challenge. Many hours are spent in developing future plans, with the knowledge that even the wisest plan may go awry. For me, both work and writing keep the stage lights on. And recalling memorable experiences, both personal and work related, exploring and crystallizing their meaning and crafting a story, offers a new role, a revival, a second act. Is this a universal dream for those growing older, to pass along what life has taught? And even a dream for the not yet so old? What apparently I've failed to communicate to those dear friends who seek to reassure me of my continuing relevance, is that becoming less visible is not all bad. So here's the good news for me, which will eventually be true for them: I'm no longer burdened by ambition. Though eager to continue to enhance my ability as a mediator and as a writer, I have no more mountains to climb. Skills developed over so many years of professional practice allow me to serve the needs of clients caught up in distressing times with calm assurance. My advice is often sought by younger colleagues whose expressions of gratitude warm the heart. Volunteer projects of past importance have been taken over by a new generation, and I'm permitted to enjoy the role of spectator and sometime valued advisor, without committee or leadership responsibility, leaving me precious hours for my own design. Never again will I wear uncomfortable shoes. The clothes in my closet are classics, by my own definition. Being in tune with fashion matters not at all. Without guilt, I no longer attend social events I think will be tiresome. Now responsible only for my own timetable, I can talk with a friend for hours, even in the middle of the day, should we choose. I'm no longer a consumer of anything other than consumables. (Not entirely true as I am part of the Apple world.) Simplicity of want allows for greater focus, and the time to become technologically savvy. I don't have to pretend so as to be perceived in a favorable light, don't have to hide who I really am. Invisibility has morphed into transparency. Less visible, perhaps, but not marginalized, only centered. CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
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